If OUAT's Cruella and Ursula were Youtube Stars
by thecookiedimension
Summary: For Sea Devil Week. Please visit seadevil-week tumblr for more details. This is Creator's Choice Prompt. Cruella and Ursula vlogged about their shenanigans in Storybrooke. Warning: It's sometimes OOC, and sometimes so meta, it reads like a parody. With mentions of Rumbelle and other stuff.
1. Vlog 1 - Unforgiven

**Quick Background: Think of the Youtube stars right now if you're familiar with them. Basically, vlogs consists of a series of clips, usually just put together with minimal to no editing. It jumps from one location to another, from one time to another. Usually, it's just the vlogger talking in front of the camera alone or with invited guest vloggers. The key for the vlogger is how not to be boring when it's mostly talking alone that's happening.**

 **Technology Background: Apparently, Granny is a high tech person. The diner and the inn are surprisingly powered with high quality wi-fi. Who could have known? Is it safe to assume that the Charmings didn't know about this?**

 **For some reason, Ursula managed to get a computer and a video camera.**

 **-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

 **Video Clip 1**

 _Setting: Ursula at Granny's Bed and Breakfast._ _First morning in Storybrooke._

 _In front of the bed, there's a chair and a desk; that's where Ursula is._

 **Ursula:**

Hi Storybrooke! This is Ursula. I guess you already know that. I am so FREAKIN' relieved that I am finally in a place where people know my name. My online presence matters now. I mean before in New York, I used the Facebook and all that but then no one knows me. My Facebook friends are boring, posting about babies and drinking. No wonder their babies were born, aaaannnyyyyhoooo.

I've always wanted to do this vlogging thing? I mean, I am a celebrity. No, I am royalty. I'm famous, but in this land, no one knows that. Or if they know, I probably be despised because of that horrible Disney movie. I guess, it's half true.; I was a badass. So in a way it was good that my identity was a secret before.

But now, here in Storybrooke, I'm back in all my glory. People here fear me. The Charmings get stressed that I'm here. But Regina doesn't seem so. I'm getting that feeling. Probably that Belle too. The Queens of Darkness has some history with her and-

 **Cruella:**

Oh hey darling, are you ready? What are you-

 **Ursula: (facing Cruella, a side view of her body is now visible in the camera)**

I thought you were out, having breakfast on your own. You shouldn't be here! Now I would need to edit this thing. And I hate editing.

 **Cruella:**

Are you seriously doing a vlog? Isn't that for bored, lazy, young people with no talent?

 **Ursula:**

Hey, that is Cruel.

 **Cruella:**

It's in my name, darling.

 **Ursula:**

Well you must know, vloggers are talented people. It takes talent to attract subscribers and garner billions of views per video.

 **Cruella:**

Uhhh, it's usually just millions of views per video unless you're-

 **Ursula:**

Look who's familiar with Youtube.

 **Cruella:**

Well if you're rich, you got nothing to do mostly so, I'm pretty much internet savvy.

 **Ursula:**

You mean, if you latched yourself to a rich husband?

 **Cruella:**

Really? This? Now? It's too early and do you want this fight in your little video? You'd get views though. Or misleading thumbnails and titles will do it too.

 **Ursula: (facing the camera now)**

You're right. I do not want this to be a Kardashian themed vlog. So folks, I guess, be prepared that Cruella would pop in because I don't want to edit much and I don't have that much time cos I got things to do in Storybrooke. Everyone's looking for happy endings, these days. (turning to Cruella) Hey, what if we do this together?

 **Cruella:**

After you insulted the Kardashians? They have a nice fashion line, you know. And even if they are drama queens, they know how to do business.

 **Ursula:**

Whatever. But seriously, think about it. It would be cool.

(facing the camera) Right, folks? What do you say about a Cruella and Ursula vlog, huh?

 **Cruella: (walking towards the web camera to talk)**

I think we should be getting breakfast.

 **Video Clip 2**

 **Ursula:**

Alright, so we had the crappiest morning ever. Granny never gave us drinks.

 **Cruella:**

I want to skin her and include her in my collection.

 **Ursula:**

Regina threatened us, though we don't fear her. I mean we were just making small talk. Like usual. And small talk comes with swapping murder stories, right?

 **Cruella:**

She's acting hero now. Or maybe she is one of them now.

 **Ursula:**

Oh btw, we are walking from Granny's to Rumplestiltskin's shop.

 **Cruella:**

I think it's called Mr. Gold's Shop or something. Ok so, to continue recounting the crappiest morning ever. By the way, put in the comments section some stories of your crappy mornings. We'll give a prize to the one with the story we like most. Also tweet this video link with the hashtag, #crappymorning so we can get more subscribers and comments.

 **Ursula:**

Hold on. You are enjoying this vlogging thing. And just a while ago, you were saying it's for lazy, untalented people? Do you hear that, internet?

 **Cruella:**

What else will we do here in Storybrooke? I mean, we can always...

 **Ursula:**

Hey this vlog is kid friendly.

 **Cruella:**

Taking care of stepkids, I'd say kids know more now than ever.

 **Ursula:**

Oh well. Hey so if I post this to Youtube, wouldn't the world think we're just a weird BROTP? I mean, we are claiming we are Cruella and Ursula for fuck's sake. Remember how Disney screwed our characterizations?

 **Cruella:**

I thought this was kid friendly?

 **Ursula:**

Screw it. Youtube stars curse a lot.

 **Cruella:**

Yes, they do. And Disney is not that bad. We are villains after all. The accuracy is uncanny. Oh and we are only BROTP?

 **Ursula:**

Let's not go there. That's not a conversation on the record.

 **Cruella:**

But we will have fans, you know, who would consider us OTP. Whether it's canon or not in Storybrooke.

 **Ursula:**

Hey how far is Mr. Gold's shop? Storybrooke is small. I think we're lost. Or the Queens of Darkness shouldn't even be walking.

 **Cruella:**

Don't be so sure, darling. I already have plans to use the S-Train once we...

 **Ursula:**

Good, you stopped. We can't tell them spoilers of our shenanigans. But there's a chance that when this video airs, they already know what we did. Wait, there's a train?

 **Cruella:**

Oh yes, darling, and it's glorious.

 **Ursula:**

How do you know so much about Storybrooke?

 **Cruella:**

I can't tell that on camera. Wait, let's just get into my car and we can locate the shop faster.

 **Video Clip 3**

 _Setting: Cruella's car. On their way to Mr. Gold's Shop._

 **Cruella:**

So darling, about where to post the vlogs...

 **Ursula:**

Yeah?

 **Cruella:**

You can always post them on Tumblr or Vimeo. It's a bit private there compared to Youtube.

 **Ursula:**

But how about monetization?

 **Cruella:**

You're seriously thinking about that?

 **Ursula:**

Well, we don't know exactly what's gonna happen to us in Storybrooke.

I hear, villains get written off every half season. It's better to be insured.

 **Cruella:**

I guess that's better than blaming bad judgment and gin. So yeah, post them on Youtube.

 **Ursula:**

Yeah I will. Uhhh, about the OTP, BROTP thing.

 **Cruella:**

Yes, darling?

 **Ursula:**

It doesn't matter what we are. We can just play, like we can go over Tumblr and see the girlfriend tag or whatever, then answer the questions. We can play the challenges that Youtube stars do.

 **Cruella:**

That sounds about right.

 **Ursula:**

Are you... sad?

 **Cruella:**

What? We're here, darling.

 **Ursula:**

Oh. But before we get out, let me just wrap up the crappy morning story, cos this was what we were talking about earlier.

So, after the unpleasant stuff at Granny's when Cruella and I stepped out, guess who we ran into?

 **Cruella:**

It's that Hook. That bloody pirate Hook, who's apparently on the Hero Side now too? Everybody's playing hero now, what the fuck?

 **Ursula:**

I KNOW!

 **Cruella:**

Good thing, R-

 **Ursula:**

Right after passing by Hook and Emma, we got our camera out and started vlogging again. It was a stress relief.

 **Cruella:**

Is that the only thing that happened?

 **Ursula:**

What? Come on let's go to the shop.

 ** _Off Camera_**

 **Ursula:**

Be careful with what you say on the vlog! They can't know about Mal and your possible plans with the train that, apparently exists in Storybrooke. I mean, sometimes I think the magic in Storybrooke just pulls out whatever, with no thought of consistency just so events can happen.

 **Cruella:**

Why do you keep pointing out stuff that happens in Storybrooke?

 **Ursula:**

I was a powerful Sea Witch, remember? I was a great practitioner of magic and I'm pretty sure my characterization in Storybrooke would fall below that.

 **Cruella:**

Well we can always hope for the best. Who knows, maybe no one would die, darling. Or if we can't hope, there's always gin.

 **Ursula:**

Yes. Oh and you almost mentioned Rumple.

 **Cruella:**

Yeah, almost a slip-up. Sorry, darling.

 **Ursula:**

Oh and, it's not the only thing that happened.

 **Cruella: (starting to smile)**

Yes, darling?

 **Ursula:**

I know you put your arm around me. Thank you. It was sweet and protective. Not murderous at all.

 **Cruella:**

You know I'll never kill you, right? Even if I can, and even if we are in a threatening situation, I'd rather kill myself than you.

 **Ursula: (starting to blush and smile)**

I know. And I'll never choke you too, now that I have my tentacles back. Unless if that's what you're into.

 **Cruella: (chuckling)**

Come on, we have a maid to threaten. And I'm glad you remember.

 _Ursula thought she shut the camera off. When she reviewed the footage to edit the first vlog, she saw the whole conversation was recorded. She didn't tell Cruella because she needed to erase that clip. They can't take the risk of being found out of their evil shenanigans. At least not before Gold and Mal are freely roaming the streets with them. If she can, she wanted to keep the clip. It was the first heartfelt conversation she and Cruella had since coming to Storybrooke. And everything rings true about it._

 **Video Clip 4**

 _Setting: Cruella's car_

 **Cruella:**

Hello darlings! Mission accomplished. We got what we need from the shop.

 **Ursula:**

That Belle is feisty as ever.

 **Cruella:**

I know. Rumple likes feisty women. Though Belle is the only one he ever dated who's not a villain.

 **Ursula:**

Yes, and they are kinda cute, considering. And in the entertainment section of the Storybrooke Mirror, Storybrooke citizens are fawning over them. They call them, Rumbelle.

 **Cruella:**

You know a lot about Storybrooke. You mean, even if Storybrooke is Charmings and Regina centric, _Storybrooke citizens actually follow the Rumbelle story?_

 **Ursula:**

Oh yes, they do. No wonder their engagement ended up front page of the paper. But Storybrooke never focused on that. It's always the Charmings and Regina. I mean, they make good story, but Rumbelle is screen time worthy.

 **Cruella:**

What do you mean, screen time? Life isn't recorded.

 **Ursula:**

I mean if life is a big vlog, Rumbelle would be cute. Belle is too feisty, we can convert her to evil. Like Dark Belle?

 **Cruella:**

Rumple will always protect her, but that would be an exciting story. Belle is smart so a Dark Belle? Wow, she will come in handy with our evil lifestyle. Hey, if we have a ship name, what should we call it?

 **Ursula:**

Stop the car.

 **Cruella:**

What do you want to do to me?

 **Ursula:**

Stop the car. The police car's behind us, signaling us to stop, darling.

 **Cruella:**

The timbre of your voice goes well with 'darling.' You should say it more often.

 **Ursula:**

I'll keep that in mind, darling. I'll stop the vlog for now. The vlog should be a surprise.

 **Video Clip 5**

 _Setting: Cruella's car_

 **Ursula:**

So we were pulled by Emma and Prince Charming. Seriously, they have the wrong last name. I'd say Mal is even more charming than them.

 **Cruella:**

I couldn't agree more. The Charmings are appalling! So. Now, we are on our way to- well, we can't tell you yet.

 **Ursula:**

It's a surprise. But by the next video you would know. In fact we are going to film some of it so you will have Behind the Scenes footage.

 **Cruella:**

We should have done this vlogging long ago. Like when we first got into this world, we could have been rich then. We are star material, both of us.

 **Ursula:**

Speaking of our ship name. I think we should let our viewers decide.

 **Cruella:**

That's a great idea, darling. So to you lovely viewers, tweet us with the ship name. Use the hashtag, #cruellaandursula. My Twitter is furlover20

 **Ursula:**

And mine is seagoddess16. Can you explain your Twitter name?

 **Cruella:**

The first part is obvious.

 **Ursula:**

Of course.

 **Cruella:**

The 20 is, apparently, I'm not sure if I can disclose information already. Let's just say that I came from a time wherein jazz is the popular music. Now someone told me that we exist on time realms or something. I've forgotten. That person was too boring, and just a means to an end. And when we, Ursula and I, got into this world, I learned the time period wherein jazz was popular, was back in the '20s.

 **Ursula:**

Well I know the full story of that.

 **Cruella:**

Of course, darling. You know my life story. And I also know why your Twitter name's like that. Oh what would you name the Youtube channel?

 **Ursula:**

Well, I need 500 subscribers first and the channel to be 30 days old for me to customize my channel. So, it's up to you, lovely viewers.

 **Cruella:**

That's right. Hit the subscribe button or I'll send dogs after you.

 **Ursula:**

She's not kidding. I should choke the people of Storybrooke who have not subscribed yet.

 **Cruella:**

I love how we're using plain, old villainy to get what we want.

 **Ursula:**

That's just who we are. No, we are just kidding, folks.

 **Cruella:**

Are we?

 **Ursula:**

Ummm okay. Well, I've never thought of a name for the channel yet, but my Twitter is sea goddess, cos obviously, I am one. And then it's 16 cos I was 16 when I got to be able to get a hold of my life. I wasn't being manipulated anymore. I was the queen of myself.

 **Cruella:**

The time you ran away. You were homeless.

 **Ursula:**

Not if you have magic. Alright folks, time to go. We're here at the location of this thing we're about to do. We promise you'll get behind the scenes footage. Bye for now!

 **Cruella:**

Bye, darlings!

 **Video Clip 6 - Behind the Scenes Exclusive**

 **Ursula:**

So we're in the cave now.

 **Cruella:**

We have the knife.

 **Ursula:**

We have the ashes of Maleficent. Cos that's what we're doing here.

 **Cruella:**

Yes, we are officially resurrecting our dragon friend.

 **Ursula:**

Who is a scary dragon bitch, if you're not careful.

 **Cruella:**

So yes, let's do this. We're putting the camera here, so you'll have a great view of how resurrection works for a dragon bitch.

 **Video Clip 7**

 _Setting: Their room at Granny's. Both of them sitting on the bed._

 **Cruella:**

How are you all, darlings? Did you enjoy the exclusive behind the scenes on Mal's resurrection?

 **Ursula:**

Actually we didn't show everything. We cut it after Mal was human again. We can't show stuff about the Charmings' conversation with Mal unless we have permission.

 **Cruella:**

And we don't. Because the Charmings are appalling and they want to keep their privacy. So, until our next video, here's what you need to do.

Tweet us with the ship name you want for Ursula and I. Use #cruellaandursula

 **Ursula:**

Share in the comments the crappy morning stories. We'll give a prize.

 **Cruella:**

We'll send you one of the fur coats I don't like anymore. For the ship name, we won't give a prize...

 **Ursula:**

But we'll tweet you and follow you and favorite your answer. That's bragging rights, so.

 **Cruella:**

Alright, see ya!


	2. Vlog 2 - Enter the Dragon

**Note: This is just the beginning. will continue this at some point. fingers crossed when. but i am enjoying this vlogging thing, so.**

 **-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

 **Video Clip 1**

 _Setting: Gold's Cabin_

 **Ursula:**

Hello you all! So we finally chose to upload the vlog to Youtube, and wow, we are at 200 subscribers already.

 **Cruella:**

You are all amazing, darlings. We also have winners already for the ship name, and crappy morning story. But before all that...

 **Ursula:**

We like to introduce our guest for today, yay!

 **Cruella:**

The scary dragon bitch herself, Maleficent!

 _ **Walking towards them, Maleficent takes a seat near her besties (?)**_

 **Maleficent:**

Oh stop it, you two. It's very good to be back though. Time for revenge.

 **Cruella:**

But shouldn't we celebrate a little? With drinking gin?

 **Mal:**

We have to do it low-key though. Regina probably will crash the party. We have to be prepared.

 **Ursula:**

We can just go downstairs and drink. After hours. Let's raid Granny's alcohol stock.

 **Mal:**

I miss my bad girls. Thanks for bringing me back. So what do you do in this, what is this?

 **Cruella:**

Darling, it's a vlog! And nothing's as amazing as a vlog. Except for gin, and the Queens of Darkness awesomeness. Oh, I know! We should have a merch store. With QoD t-shirts.

 **Ursula:**

That's a great idea. We'll do that. So umm, Mal, we will brief you with vlogging and all the technology you missed, later. For now, can you tell us some scoop on what are you up to?

 **Mal:**

I can't really tell anything. And so should you. Just watch out, Storybrooke. You have a dragon in your midst now.

 **Cruella:**

This is going to be entertaining.

 **Ursula:**

Sure is. Mal, we are so thrilled you're back.

 **Mal:**

Yes, I believe you. I mean, we are villains but I'd say it's a legit friendship we had. Or have. Anyway, I'd like to walk around. I need to stretch everything, if you know what I mean, after a deep slumber.

 **Cruella:**

The ever delightful Maleficent. Goodbye for now.

 _ **Mal walks out of the cabin.**_

So is it a little shady what she said about friendship?

 **Ursula:**

Cru! Mal is our friend, and we can't really talk about that on camera.

 **Cruella:**

Maybe we should fight on Twitter. It's tamed because people are careful nowadays. Or maybe everyone's as rash in the internet as in real life. Here's an idea. A magical social media app.

 **Ursula:**

I like what you're saying, very much.

**to be continued


End file.
